@enigmaticmess: I'm a big fan of wood. Mahogany. Cherry. Walnut. Morning.
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@joeljeffrey: I found out blowing in the dogs face makes her stop barking. I tried the same thing on my wife to make her stop yelling and she bit me.
@leechee420: Listen google, it's 2015. I need you to figure out who I'm talking about when I type "that one guy in that movie I didn't like."
@daemonic3: [interview] What is your greatest strength? "Throwing my voice" You're hired! "Ok great, thanks" Wait I didn't say- oh wow you're good
@astutenewf: Whole Foods Cashier: Do you have your grocery bags? Me: Kidding? At $6 an apple you should drive them home and make an apple pie for me.