@shutupmikeginn: I'm a club photographer, I take pictures at the club and people pay me to delete them
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@uberpaki: My fellow Canadians, Complain about the heat just *once* and it will get taken away from us. Don't be the reason we can't have nice things
@timdonakowski: Me: Siri, did you know millions of people misquote you on Twitter every day? Siri: Tim, I want your polish sausage.
@partlyfunny: If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Everyone romanticizes the past until they get horribly sick and wake up covered in leeches.