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@sween: “I’M A DOG!”
“I’M A DOG TOO!”
@WGladstone: My 6 yr old asked me if "satire" is like a "flat tire." I told him no. People know how to handle a flat tire.
@alldrolledup: 4 out of 5 dead husbands agree that last casserole tasted really strange.
"You have to get good grades"
KID: But it's so hard!
"We're Can-tonese not Cant-tonese"
KID: You gotta admit that's a bit confusing
@radtoria: [sees fly]
Hmm... I think I'll name this creature "Fly."
@novicefather: I was gonna put on my cowboy hat and sit on my patio shirtless to showcase my abs when I realized I don't own a cowboy hat, a patio, or abs.