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@PortRooster: "I'm a hoarse whisperer..."
@MatCro: I'll never forget my grandad's last words on his deathbed.
He said: "I should never have bought this deathbed. Asking for trouble..."
@InternetHippo: [thoughts of person talking to me]: He's furrowing his brow, he must really be listening!
[my brain]: How do cows make cheese
@upsidedowntrash: Onion rings...
Onion texts: Please answer baby. Let me make this right.
@MarkAFuqua_Hunt: You say you're an atheist, yet you tell people they can "go to hell!"
Make up your mind already.
@Rockenden: If ever you're feeling down, and I can't be there to do it in person, just imagine me awkwardly patting your shoulder & looking at my watch.