@lilplayer809: I'm a leader, not a follower... Unless it's into a dark place, then screw that, you're going first.
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@stephenjmolloy: Mugger: Give me your wallet! Me: Back off! I know karate. *later* Me: Well, he called my bluff. Doctor: You have lost a lot of blood.
@LaziestCanine: Cop: can you describe the guy who stabbed you Me: yes, he was not very friendly
@juliussharpe: Meet your girlfriend's brother then realize you're screwing the female version of a guy.
@myonlymizztake: Him: I'm sorry, can we start over? Me: great idea! You introduce yourself, and this time I'll keep walking.