@DCpierson: I'm a Lit major. I did my thesis on why my car is in the front yard and I'm sleeping with my clothes on.
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@joejwest: [pet shop] ME: I'm looking for a dog that can talk OWNER: Try this one ME: [to dog] Can you talk? DOG: No ME: My search continues
@jergarl: 89% of being a parent is telling my kids to put on shoes before we leave the house and then getting in the car wearing my slippers.
@lisaxy424: My mom texted me asking what "DTF" meant and I told her "Dedicated To Family"...I seriously can't wait for her to use it.