@DCpierson: I'm a Lit major. I did my thesis on why my car is in the front yard and I'm sleeping with my clothes on.
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@PeaceInTruth1: Telemarketer: Good afternoon, Sir. Me: Do you walk with a limp? Telemarketer: No. Me: Want to? Telemarketer: Thank you for your time.
@MrNickNo: That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you're innocent".
@garrettbarry70: Currently helping my wife looking for her favourite vase that I threw out six months ago.
@abhorrent_wife: Everybody's getting Oreos with their Christmas cards this year. Related: Don't eat cookies while you're licking envelopes.