@dance_blessed: I'm a low maintenance girlfriend. Just bring me a bouquet of cats.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@stephenjmolloy: Ian: "I baked you a pie to say sorry for backing over your cat in my car." Tim: "You did what?!" Ian: "Baked you a pie."
@murrman5: [at funeral] "my phone is vibrating" want me to create a distraction so you can answer it? "no, are you craz- *points at casket* HE BLINKED