@NinsunG: I'm a pediatrician.
Oh, so you're into feet?
Isn't that illegal?
@fridaycandy: It's weird that 'coward' doesn't mean
"towards a cow".
@chicnlil1: The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses..
@ColoChiver: When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
@TheAlexNevil: Boss: You wrote one of your strengths is invisibility and that seems--what are you doing?!
Me (giving him the finger): Wait--you can see me?
@david8hughes: [police car behind me]
Me: shit, was that a red light back there?
My dog: like a light grey
My dog: if that helps