@PyrBliss: I'm a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
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@thecrabbyhook: My mother has now been sending me a Valentine's card for 28 years. She's persistent but I'm not interested.
@haleysfalling: [showing people around museum] and if u look to ur left you'll see a bunch of uppity people who get reaaal weird when you lick the paintings