@Cheeseboy22: I'm a spitting image of Ryan Gosling. Like if Ryan Gosling were to spit and look at his reflection in it, that would be me.
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@Jake_Vig: POLICE: POLICE! OPEN UP! ME: My parents never loved me. POLICE: NOT EMOTIONALLY! OPEN THE DOOR! ME: That makes way more sense.
@NiceLittleWife: When I go to Victoria's Secret, I just throw things on the floor to see how they'll really look.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [sees co-worker the next day after failing to kill him on purge night] mondays am i right?