@weismanjake: I'm a vegetarian and when people say to me "you know Hitler was also a vegetarian" it always reminds me how many Jews I've been killing
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@daemonic3: Her: *puts cherry stem in mouth *pulls it out with a knot *winks Him: *puts earbuds in pocket *pulls it out with 5 knots *doesn't get laid
@theshamingofjay: What is everyone writing songs about? John: revolution Paul: forgiveness George: true love Ringo: hmm, a submarine or maybe an octopus
@Dawn_M_: Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
@Book_Krazy: 9: Mom, why are all those girls standing on their tiptoes? Me: Because they're ballet dancers 9: Why didn't they just get taller girls?