@weismanjake: I'm a vegetarian and when people say to me "you know Hitler was also a vegetarian" it always reminds me how many Jews I've been killing
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@Ryan_Patricks: My annoying little cousin is bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed. Whatever, you little idiot.. I sleep in a real car.
@anjadrisch: My anti bacterial hand wash promises to kill germs & moisturise at the same time. Such violence & nurturing from the one product.
@iTomFoolery: If it was the choice between having the last pizza on earth or the last sex on earth, which toppings would you have on your pizza.
@Stellacopter: One time my husband asked me to dance for him and I performed the entire Lion King musical to the best of my ability.