@reczit: I'm afraid of people who keep smiling all the time. I feel like they still have plenty of space left for more bodies in their basement.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheTweetOfGod: People keep asking Me why I created mosquitoes. To bite you repeatedly and give you malaria, that's why.
@ScottLinnen: You really dropped the ball today Ted. You're fired. "Please, no. I can try harder." You operate a wrecking crane, man. People died.
@man_in_radiator: My neighbor upstairs bought a new treadmill and I accidentally just shot five holes in my ceiling.
@Fred_Delicious: "911? Help, my son has gone missing" [baby lowers hands from eyes] "Holy crap he just appeared out of nowhere"