@nettie0918: I'm already an idiot, I just need a village
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@Tmoney68: Autocorrect changed "stranger" to "strangler" & it made me wonder how often I must have written about murdering people to teach it that.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What does that cloud look like to you? 3-year-old: A cloud. Me: No, what do you imagine it could be? 3-year-old: Rain.
@3sunzzz: Doctor: I'm going to listen to your lungs so just breathe normal. Me: Well now you've made THAT nearly impossible.
@Matt_The_1st: "Dad, you were at 63%, so I unplugged your phone to plug mine in" *Drives ex-son to homeless shelter