@ericaj1721: I'm always behind the person at McDonald's who acts like they've never seen the menu in their life
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@SaraMansford: Pro tip: If you forget their name after a one night stand, just take them to Starbucks in the morning.
@jbillinson: "Yes Mr. Trump, I took Joe's pocket knife away and we'll get you some new tires for that limo right away, but I can't make him say sorry"
@PinkCamoTO: When Germans combine words, we get things like "flutter mouse" and "river horse." When the English do it, we get "jorts."