@ericaj1721: I'm always behind the person at McDonald's who acts like they've never seen the menu in their life
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@DurtMcHurtt: [dinner at brother's house] "So where are the kids?" Brother: I grounded them. *spits out meatloaf*
@Lipgloss_Nerd: Even in the darkest moments there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, but yours will probably be an oncoming freight train.
@Rollmaninoz: Police Officer: Son I have some terrible news, your father was killed at work today when he fell into the scissor machine. Dwayne Johnson: *grits teeth* ...I will dedicate my life to avenging him!