@ericaj1721: I'm always behind the person at McDonald's who acts like they've never seen the menu in their life
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@WilliamAder: Putting my Christmas decorations on the house across the street so I can, you know, see them.
@flaskofwhiskeyy: My friend told me to let loose and be reckless today so I walked really fast with a bowl full of hot soup.
@ManvAlcohol: What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records.