@ericaj1721: I'm always behind the person at McDonald's who acts like they've never seen the menu in their life
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@shutupmikeginn: A fun prank is to search "buy antique dolls" on someone's computer because then all their Facebook targeted ads are creepy dolls forever
@MAngelo505: My doctor says I should lose 10 lbs and work out more. But why? Spanx launched a men's line.
@Howiesbookclub: Blood oranges at the farmer's market. What am I, The Lord of War? Peddle your conflict fruit someplace else.
@PaulGibson1963: Daughter steals my iPad so I left Google open on "too many kids" & "making it look accidental." Found my iPad but haven't seen her all day.