@mrtruthandsoul: I'm always two drinks away from digging up my backyard to look for dinosaur bones
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@ChrisIsJoking: Overheard this guy say "I can skin a deer in 20 min, but I still can't hula hoop." Not sure why he thinks those skills would be transferable
@AmishPornStar1: Mechanic said I blew a seal... Technically, it was a sea lion, but more importantly, how did he even know?
@notalogin: *stops by new neighbor* Welcome, I brought you a cake! -Wow, thank you! You know, you didn't have to do that! Oh, ok. *walks away with cake*
@blade_funner: ME: *slamming desk with fist* You'll put this up over my dead body! FUNERAL DIRECTOR: It's a lovely headstone. ME: It really is.