@Vice_Queen: I'm at a second grade music recital and this is by far the most effective form of birth control I've ever tried.
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@schumoo: My plans for world domination will have to be put on hold while I try to open this package of batteries.
@somelightcrying: [think of idiom] firing on all cylinders [post tweet w/ idiom + literal interpretation] mr. on all cylinders, ur fired [wait for 100+ faves]
@samalmightysam: God was able to create everything in only 6 days cause he didn't have a woman next to him telling him what color she wanted everything to be
@causticbob: Windows: "You may be the victim of software counterfeiting" no Microsoft,it is you who is the victim of software counterfeiting here, not I