@1Bad_Scientist: I'm at my most British when she says "teabag me" and I drop a sack of Earl Grey in her mouth.
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@FattMernandez: I can never tell if my cat left a dead bird at my door, or if it's the dead bird I ordered from Amazon.
@JediGigi: Him:You married? Me:Aww You think I'm that pretty? H:Ma'am just filling out your pape- M:SO I'M UGLY? H:I'll tell the therapist to hurry
@dreadnaught69: People who incessantly go on and on about replacing things that taste good with quinoa, please stop