@ISOremarkable: I'm at my most Liam Neeson when my food is missing from the employee fridge.
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@Jandalize: I'm fearfully awaiting the day my alarm clock becomes self-aware and the snooze button hits me back.
@gingerfaced: I wish snacks could talk so they could verify my whereabouts from 1 am to 3 am this morning.
@HehBuddy: I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.
@deadstick_ron: Therapist: and how are you now? Morgan Freeman: I am fine Morgan Freeman: but Morgan Freeman was not fine Therapist: I'm sorry what?