@ISOremarkable: I'm at my most Liam Neeson when my food is missing from the employee fridge.
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@thatdutchperson: [finds sock with hole in it] *gets angry* [puts sock back in same drawer] *repeats forever*
@donjuantip: Your cell should have a 'drunk mode' like 'airplane mode' so that no text messages or tweets leave your phone but you can still call a taxi.
@mandysparklerxo: You'll never say "wrong hole" more often than when you're trying to help a toddler put on gloves.
@murrman5: [furious with son] wife: what happened? me: he talks back to me and is insulting me in Spanish [son from room] yolo isn't spanish me: ya see