@ISOremarkable: I'm at my most Liam Neeson when my food is missing from the employee fridge.
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@StymieBrewer: Hey, hey...calm down please. Stop crying. I think all babies are ugly, not just yours.
@Tmoney68: [Bar] Friend: I'm just lucky, I guess. Nothing ever embarrasses me. Drunk Me: Challenge accepted.
@krustythe_klown: WTH! @ The audience that just sat and watched the first ever magician to saw a lady in half.
@gingerfaced: What do you mean you were really drunk? I already changed my Facebook relationship status for you.