@cynthiajones11: I'm at my most Michael Phelps when I find out someone has peed in the pool.
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@darinlovesbacon: My kid asked me where babies came from and I was like "Dude, ask your Mom. I still can't figure out why Garfield talks and Odie doesn't."
@Kali_Mura: Cop: So, I’m writing a ticket for driving alone in the car pool lane. Me: You’re going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk.
@sameblacklist: There should be an eBay for evil people so they can purchase evil people stuff without having their motives questioned.