@cynthiajones11: I'm at my most Michael Phelps when I find out someone has peed in the pool.
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@DaHess1: People think it's great if you like kids but will freak out if you assign an age. I like 10 year olds. See? Creepy. I'll wait in the van.
@tastefactory: Power went out in my office building & a maintenance guy said Transformers blew. Um yeah it was a bad movie buddy now what about the power??
@TheToddWilliams: [murder trial] LAWYER: So you unplugged your wife's life support for five minutes? COMPUTER TECH: Sometimes that works.