@TheBeerGuy73: I'm at my most Ninja Turtle when I remove a manhole cover & jump into the sewers to avoid making eye contact with someone I know in public.
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@waydybee: whenever someone i know introduces me to someone else i say, "oh, this is the one u were talking about" &watch the awkward stares!
@fightforfood: I'm not saying Goldilocks was a piece of shit, but she broke into someone's house and just started eating their breakfast.
@GoddessTitty: [Home invasion] Me: isn't there anything ELSE you want to take? Burglar: lady I told you I'm married