@CelticMoonDance: I'm beginning to question your proclamation of your "spiritual gifts". You are about as intuitive as my autocorrect.
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@SardonicTart: [Job Interview] How would you describe your time management skills? Me: Can we talk about this later? I'm late for an appointment.
@shutupmikeginn: The pigeons behind my apartment are fighting for claim to half a rain soaked hotdog. Fighting me.
@TheGoodGodAbove: Congrats to #LeonardoDiCaprio on his first Best Actor Oscar. You can stop sacrificing goats now.
@astutenewf: 12: Dad, if Mary gave birth to Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of god, didn't Mary have a little lamb? Me: And you came with a no return policy