@Kali_Mura: I'm beginning to suspect that my boyfriend is not really a ninja & that he moved out nine month ago.
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@SuperJuanderer: Me: Weaknesses? Oh, I'd say not relating well to other sentient beings. -I meant about the janitor job. Me: Oh ya, I don't know how to sweep
@GrowlyGrego: Wait...the "S" in ASAP doesn't stand for "Slowly?" Shit. This has cost me 27, maybe 28 jobs.
@BlindChow: [In the beginning, God created the heavens and earth...] EARTH: yo GOD: what? EARTH: send nudes GOD: *creates Adam & Eve* EARTH: nice
@EmoPhilips: 23rd Century Scientist: We're sending you to 1889 to kill baby Hitler. Four words: Stick. To. The. Mission. Henry Ford: Yes, sir.