@Kali_Mura: I'm beginning to suspect that my boyfriend is not really a ninja & that he moved out nine month ago.
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@shadygrenade: "Son do you know how to tell if a pineapple is ripe?" *throws pineapple against grocery store wall* "Ah nuts that was a good one."
@Douchekevin: Four 6 year old girls playing quietly at 7am is called a horde of elephants having a foot race.
@kumailn: My favorite romantic comedy sub-genre is "Hugh Grant falls in love with someone for no reason."
@iAmJuddy: Chef: What kind of bread would you like? We have wheat, rye, white... Me: Black bread. Chef: We don't have that. Me: Racist.