@BestWorstAdvice: I'm beginning to think that Judas Priest might not be a Christian rock band.
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@samstein: March 23: Trump pretends to drive big-rig. House bill falls apart. July 17: Trump pretends to drive firetruck. Senate bill falls apart.
@DanMentos: "You've reached 911" Knock knock "Sir ple-" Knock knock "This is not-" Knock knock "ok, who's there?" Ben "Ben who" Ben shot real bad "NICE"
@Fred_Delicious: [Duck support group] "After i lost Barbara I was doing bread 5, maybe 6 times a day" *the other ducks nod sympathetically*
@JimmerThatisAll: This day in history. 1924. Franz Kafka died after a surrealistically charged life which should have its own adjective. Kafkastic? Kafkable?