@moooooog35: I'm coaching my son's soccer team because it's important that he knows I'll swear at other kids, too.
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@juicymorsel: Yesterday I taught my boss to play Angry Birds. Today, she "couldn't make it in to work." This is called managing upwards, people.
@novicefather: [interview] "Describe yourself in 5 words." me: Salacious. Professionally sensual. HR compliant.
@EndhooS: If you legally change your name to 'You're Free to Go' then it's impossible to get arrested.
@BuckyIsotope: Just did my taxes. Put $420.69 on every line and 5 IRS agents just showed up at my door with a keg, 3 strippers and giant foam fingers.