@moooooog35: I'm coaching my son's soccer team because it's important that he knows I'll swear at other kids, too.
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@MrsMikePatton: My boyfriend got pissed because I didn't swallow. Is it my fault I have a nut allergy?
@TheTimeIGotHigh: "I was so high one time, I stopped at a stop sign for 20 minutes waiting for it to turn green."
@SinCityChiGirl: If Ben Affleck played Daredevil and Batman does that mean that he's blind as a bat? #WellThatsAGoodQuestion
@Darlainky: The inventor of the elevator should be credited for the birth of awkward silence as well.