@moooooog35: I'm coaching my son's soccer team because it's important that he knows I'll swear at other kids, too.
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@Holy_Mowgli: ROBBER: is this all the cash? CASHIER: yes but would you like to donate $1 to charity ROBBER [tears welling up inside his ski mask]: ok
@iwearaonesie: wife: I wish you were more romantic me *starts biting the chicken nugget I'm eating into the shape of a heart*