@moooooog35: I'm coaching my son's soccer team because it's important that he knows I'll swear at other kids, too.
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@4handfuls: Some call it a fashion show. I call it my kids changing their shorts 8 times a day for no reason and leaving them all over the house...
@Tmoney68: My girlfriend is pissed at me for never putting down the toilet seat. To be honest, I AM getting pretty tired of carrying it around.
@WiseguyPictures: The worst time to find out your parents are dead is probably right after you've taken a large hit from helium balloon.
@fsuflores: I feel so bad for all these women that give me their phone numbers and when I call the line has been disconnected This economy is ruthless.