@moooooog35: I'm coaching my son's soccer team because it's important that he knows I'll swear at other kids, too.
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@joejwest: [chess tournament] RIVAL: [plays move] ME: [knocks board aside. punches rival in face] Chess! COMMENTATOR: He's won every round this way
@Pee_And_Giggles: 18: You & I are getting fat bec. u cook so damn good! IT'S.ALL.YOUR.FAULT! I was insulted, complimented, then scolded in under 2.5 seconds.
@_4kidscrazy: Me: let's try to catch snowflakes on our tongues! Wife: but we're inside.?. Me: shhhh, just close your eyes.