@breadzeppellin: I'm 'confuses systems of measurement' centimetres old.
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@maughammom: Me: "You kids aren't getting any more toys until you take care of the ones you have!" Grandma: "Here are 8,000 new toys just for existing."
@WittySassBasket: A funny thing I like to do is yell 'God, not your WHOLE hand' when the doctor does a pelvic exam.
@maebemarbles: Not one person is cooler than the pigeon that just walked all the way into this Mexican restaurant, gently picked up a taco chip, and left.
@PaulyPeligroso: They call Japan the "Land of the Rising Sun". Is that why they look like they're squinting all the time?