@Dawn_M_: I'm crying and wearing a falcon glove so I get sympathy sex from people who think my falcon flew away.
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@Phook75: The upside to having kids is how you're able to use them as an excuse to cancel unwanted plans
@NicestHippo: Ever since childhood I've identified as a hippo. While other kids were playing, I savagely mauled villagers. #TransSpecies
@TheHyyyype: WIFE: i have a gynecologist exam today ME: what?? i didn't even know you were in med school