@jjhartinger: I'm currently helping my husband look for his chocolates that I ate last Friday.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@pleatedjeans: [filling out birth certificate] Me: we're naming him Greg Doctor who used to be Starbucks barista: [writes "Grork"]
@Tmoney68: Man, my 84-year-old neighbor must REALLY like working on his car. He's been under there changing the oil for 3 days.
@longwall26: If a deadly alligator appears in the instant after you tell your friends you'll see them later there is literally no way to warn them
@ch000ch: the first guy to ride a horse was all like GIDDYUP HORSEY and the horse was all like DAMMIT WHO TOLD HIM THAT MAKES US GO