@4SLars: I'm dying louder than usual today.
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@sofarrsogud: *Son storms in 'DAD! Teacher told me that hibernation is NOT a country of stoner bears and that you're to stop helping me with my homework'
@SteveMartinToGo: Whenever I hear someone died of natural causes, I think, "Wait a minute. I have that."
@eyeswidebutt: [on phone] mom I need u to pick me up from the restaurant right now *whispers* no the date is going terrible, she pronounced it 'pokey-man'
@tonsmorecowbell: Somewhere in Africa, a bunch of orphans are about to be running around in confederate flag shirts.