@Lisa_Laughs_: I'm fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest you in despair and disappointments?
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@pixelatedboat: Critics agree that plot considerations did not justify the near-constant nudity in your film "How To Safely Use A Ladder In The Workplace"
@TravLeBlanc: I wanna write a tweet that is so good that I can retire and just live off the retweets for the rest of my life.
@velweb: My 6 year old has already asked me 4,327 questions this morning. I'm seriously considering getting another Vasectomy just to be safe.
@bourgeoisalien: Hey, Christianity- what's all the fuss about a virgin anyway? I could be a virgin if I wanted to. But I don't. Because sex. Also? More sex.