@DowntownFunk_: I'm from the 80's. We ate cookies instead of deleting them.
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@ObscureGent: In Harry Potter, a scar on your forehead means you're a hero. In real life, a scar on your forehead means you got drunk & lack coordination.
@XplodingUnicorn: My wife thought it would be cute to take a shower with our toddler and now there's poop in the tub and everyone is screaming.
@AimeeHelene1: Him: The ceiling is dripping water!! Me: No, that's just God crying. *panics thinking about the ice castle I built for my stolen penguin*