@DowntownFunk_: I'm from the 80's. We ate cookies instead of deleting them.
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@protolalia: He paid me $150 for the "girlfriend experience," so I went through his phone then locked myself in the bathroom, sobbing inconsolably.
@BillMc7: Taken 3 ~ It All Ends Here Taken 4 ~ Listen, We're Just As Surprised As You Are Taken 5 ~ Whaaaaat!? Yep...
@Douchekevin: When the police officer asks how much have I had to drink tonight- 'all of it' wasn't as funny to him as it was to me.
@sparklepants4: its raining men! hallelu..*thud* omg are you ok? *thud* oh sweet jesus! *thud* *thud* oh the horror! *thud* WHY GOD? WHYYYY??