@Jason_Horton: I'm getting mixed signals from this girl first she is like "sorry I'm married" then it's "leave me alone I'm married" I mean which is it
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@djdarrellripley: Ex-Girlfriend: I heard you & your new girlfriend are having problems... Well, you've always got my number. Me: Yes, is it still 666?
@rachelle_mandik: "Actually I have a lot of secs" is apparently not the right answer to "Do you have a sec?"
@Ygrene: [after getting beat up] Girlfriend: I thought you were a kickboxer Me: that guy was not a box
@Smooheed: When I'm pushing the twins in the pram and someone asks me if they're mine I say 'no, they're for my collection' and run as fast as I can