@Jason_Horton: I'm getting mixed signals from this girl first she is like "sorry I'm married" then it's "leave me alone I'm married" I mean which is it
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@Cheeseboy22: If I wanted to drive my wife insane, I'd secretly raise a colony of bees & place one new bee inside of her car each morning for ten years.
@Sassafrantz: Me: [opens front facing camera at a funeral and starts crying] "he must've meant a lot to her."
@LeaMehanna: I think my microwave's broken. I keep pressing the pizza button and no pizza is coming out
@10InchesPlus: *sees oven left on "What moron left the oven on!?" *tries repeatedly to turn it off "WTF!? Stupid oven!" *realizes 425 is the time