@Jason_Horton: I'm getting mixed signals from this girl first she is like "sorry I'm married" then it's "leave me alone I'm married" I mean which is it
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@JediGigi: Robber: Give me your valuables Me: *hands him piece of paper* Robber: What's this? Me: My Netflix password.
@murrman5: [interview after finishing last in the olympics] do you regret saying "I could win this race wearing flip flops" [pulls mic close] yes