@Sean_Burgundy_: I'm giving up eating food off the floor for Lent
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@briangaar: Accidentally used the elephant emoji so thanks, Apple, for the next five hours of fighting
@ThisOneSayz: *pops kid's balloon* *kid cries and runs away* *picks up kid's cake* Husband: wtf is wrong with you? Me: his piece was bigger!!
@inmynewskin: I’m going on an all breadcrumb diet because I’ve never seen a duck with a double chin.