@Sean_Burgundy_: I'm giving up eating food off the floor for Lent
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@ThatBrenna: People are like snowflakes. When they pile up on my car windshield, it's difficult to drive.
@sagarcasm: After Samsung phones, now Samsung washing machines are exploding. Samsung is now the third biggest nuclear power after US and Russia.
@ItsAndyRyan: Me: "I can't turn on the shower" Plumber: "It's seen you naked so often the excitement's gone. Try dressing up" *Hands over shower cap*