@joeljeffrey: I'm glad chocolate bars come with resealable packages, so I can eat half now, and the other half 1 minute from now.
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@platinum2000: How do you tell someone that they're not smart enough to manipulate you, without hurting their feelings?
@tsm560: Got an extension cord, and moved the microwave right into bed with me. This 2015 is looking like a good one already.
@shesananteater: One day I'm gonna go to work without my glasses and they're gonna be like, "Who's that hottie?" and I'm gonna be like, "WHO IS SAYING THAT?"