@brandynwiththey: I'm glad Pitbull always announces his name right away so I know when to turn the radio off.
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@joeljeffrey: My first workout back at the gym was great... I did 15 mins of cardio, 10 mins on the defibrillator, and then 3 days in the hospital.
@AnkCoupleTO: [3 guys corner me in an alley] 3G: Bet you're scared Me: *shows them my wife's credit card bills* 3G: *hand over their wallets* holy shit
@CulturedRuffian: Me: I wonder why I don't have any friends and can't seem to find anyone to date. Also me:
@whatmaddness: Me: hi. I'm maddie. I'm ready to overeat, anonymously Overeaters Anonymous leader: you've misunderstood