@ilovepie84: "I'm going to show off my new belt by tucking in my T-shirt" -Men over 50.
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@LurkAtHomeMom: How to calm a crying baby: 1. Pick it up. 2. Ok, so when it turns like 5 you can put it back down. Good luck.
@CindyBegel: Sometimes when my cat is sitting on a chair, I sneak up, shake the chair hard, yelling, "EARTHQUAKE!" Sadly, like many, she's not prepared
@ElleOhHell: Damn girl, are you a maple tree? Cause I would tap that, and you have an impressive root structure which is where this metaphor falls apart.
@Shut_up_Marissa: I don't mean to brag, but I do all my own auto repairs. *turns up volume* SEE! THE RATTLING SOUND IS COMPLETELY GONE!