@chris_isloi: I'm going to subtly spread my brownie crums across your car because I silently resent you for changing the song.
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@SteveKoehler22: A five year old girl is headed to the National Spelling Bee finals. And I just had to use autocorrect to spell "embarrassed" I'm so emb-
@PleaseBeGneiss: [lying in bed] Wife: He's probably thinking of other women ME: *Imagining eating dinner with Batman* It's a cape AND a bib?!