@chris_isloi: I'm going to subtly spread my brownie crums across your car because I silently resent you for changing the song.
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@TheAlexP: [trapped under avalanche of Tupperware that fell on me from kitchen cabinet] *updates social media with selfie* Bring food, No weirdos.
@beefman138: A coworker just told me that "it is what it is" and I have never felt so enlightened.
@NurseMurderer: Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario &how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.
@KenJennings: I've been at this elementary school talent show for half an hour and I've already heard "Shake It Off" 137 times.