@MattElGato: I'm gonna be honest, I don't even know where girls pee from
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@daemonic3: Sweetie, who is this bully stealing your pudding cup before school?!? "Mom, it's-" *dad makes throat slice gesture* "No one, Mom. No one"
@cm_rutvik: Ladies & gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. Anyone who bought WiFi please google "Fatal Engine Error:38" & come to Cockpit ASAP. Thanks
@Pumpkinbabypie: HB: *text* hey, what’s for dinner? Me: Roast Chicken. HB: cool, you need me to pick up anything on my way home? Me: yes, a roast chicken.
@hazelmotes1: I need to get in shape. If I was murdered right now my chalk outline would be a circle.