@MattElGato: I'm gonna be honest, I don't even know where girls pee from
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@JosesLovesYou: Sometimes I loiter outside of Victoria's Secret just so people think I have a girlfriend.
@ShadyLadyHH: My new hobby is sitting outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
@MartaEffing: My date cancelled; said he had an emergency. I just saw him at the market buying cereal and I thought, 'I agree with his priorities.'