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@MattElGato: I'm gonna be honest, I don't even know where girls pee from
@the_blacklisted: At what age do you tell your kids that the UN isn't real
@lovemydogduck: I have an eating disorder. I'm about to eat dis order of pizza, dis order of fries and dis order of nuggets.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: "Ben Carson makes stuff up" said Donald Trump, self-proclaimed zillionaire, demigod and unicorn owner.
@SarahKSilverman: From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"
@thatUPSdude: Turns out HR doesn't care if it's national underwear day, you have to wear pants to work.