@LoveNLunchmeat: I'm gonna be in trouble when my kids are older and realize how much of my parenting advice is just Kenny Rogers lyrics.
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@CantWaitToNap: An erotic footjob under a restaurant table can go bad real fast when your feet miss their mark…just ask my father-in-law.
@GarreTheFerret: Accidentally swallowed some food coloring. I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside