@Mr_Kapowski: I'm gonna buy some cheese and put it behind glass with a sign that reads "In queso emergency, break glass"
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@nickcreelman: Coworker: it's dark already Me: I know, Dan. I have eyes CoW: it's only 5 'o clock Me: I KNOW DAN CoW: it's early Me: THAT'S HOW EARTH WORKS
@1Bad_Scientist: Boss: I'm sorry but we have to let you go. Me: Really? That's not what these pics of you and your secretary said. They said I need a raise.
@ryaninco: The neighbors yard smells like weed. I'm glad those seeds I threw over the fence are starting to grow.