@Mr_Kapowski: I'm gonna buy some cheese and put it behind glass with a sign that reads "In queso emergency, break glass"
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@Dana_Bruno: My dog's pissed cos I buy him Senior food. He won't admit he's older now. So I scratch out the "i" on each can & tell him it's Mexican food.
@murrman5: [senses date is losing interest in me] "my uncle was the guy who did the rap in Red Red Wine"
@LeBearGirdle: *looking up at the stars* Me: look at that big one, isn't it beautiful? Her: *squinting* can we do this at night, instead?