@Wanderlust6190: I'm gonna call my mom 26 times today to tell her about all the nothing that I'm doing, just to even the score.
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@dildointherough: Dating tip: Photoshop yourself into some of her selfies. Women love guys who are good with computers.
@iamspacegirl: SANTA: Mhm, and I see here that you have the power of flight, which wo- SUPERMAN W/ ANTLERS TIED TO HIS HEAD: Look, I really need this job.
@betulesairafi: I love balloons! I keep tying them to my arm, but I think I'm getting carried away.