@_eric_alexander: I'm gonna start carrying breath mints around in an engagement ring box just to briefly make women really uncomfortable during conversation.
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@CheetoBandito77: Eating a solid brick of Ramen is probably the easiest way to remember I need to pay the water bill.
@TheBoydP: Top Seven Things Men Don’t See Coming: 7. Plot twists 6. Police cruiser 5. Love 4. Trash day 3. Health issues 2. Her reaction 1. That
@ibid78: Sex is a lot like chess. It takes practice to be good. You have to adapt quickly to your partner's moves. You're gonna sacrifice some horses
@GrantTanaka: boss: [asks me to do something] me: [wonders how beyonce would do it] boss: STOP WONDERING ABOUT HOW BEYONCE WOULD DO IT