@OnlyFastEddie: "I'm great in bed" ~ breakfast
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@BucMarvin: It must be very traumatic for my wife to be at work knowing I'm home alone getting bread crumbs on the kitchen counter. Let's pray for her.
@scarebro: My girlfriend broke up with me because she and I had different opinions. My opinion was that I was worth dating.
@caliluvgirl77: I love when my friends start selling weight loss shakes because that's one less person I ever have to talk to again.
@JakeSocial: Just received an email saying: "Want to see Celine Dion live?" My first thought was that it was a ransom demand.