@MyPornKhan: I'm guessing the person who decided how to spell "queue" and "okay" got paid by the letter.
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@AdderallMomma: --Wanna go rubbing in the park tomorrow with me? Thanks auto correct, this is why I can't have nice friends.
@brunopieroni: "Ok, guys, before you start calling me a pervert, let me just say I found a great source of protein." — The first guy who ever milked a cow.
@murrman5: [during dinner on a date] "I'm currently in university" how long is your degree? "normally a year, but I have dial up, so probably 2"
@Love_bug1016: If only the workout your thumbs get from scrolling on your phone would go to your abs.