@MyPornKhan: I'm guessing the person who decided how to spell "queue" and "okay" got paid by the letter.
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@NoDomesticDiva: A friend said she thinks she should buy her teen a chastity belt. I said try perming her bangs, that worked well for me when I was younger.
@RoosterMustache: Me: u can walk around without shoes Teacher: right Me: but after a while it hurts your feet Teacher: ok Me: so time wounds all the heels
@curlycomedy: The Katy Perry song that goes, "You're hot and you're cold," was actually about a microwaveable burrito.
@iinkedZombie: Wife: "Oh my God! You really ONLY hear what you want!" Me: "Thanks! I've been working out!"