@M3lissaMcDonald: I'm having an out of money experience.
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@secondofhername: Lawyer: As My Lord knows,... Judge: Don't presume I know it, counsel. Lawyer: Beg pardon. *clears throat* As My Lord ought to know...
@MarkAgee: If I win Powerball, I'm having at least six of you killed. Four of you know who you are. I think the other two will be very surprised.
@zachreinert03: A friend asked if I thought there was alien life on other planets and I was like don't give up hope, there's someone out there for you
@therealeatwood: RUSSELL: I told you that cheese wasn’t for you ME: [bitterly, mousetraps on both hands] Nothing’s ever for me, is it Russell