@Home_Halfway: INTERVIEWER: What is your greatest skill? CAR: Well, I'm very driven

@OneFunnyMummy: Stop me if you've heard this already. -said no kid ever

@DevilryFun: You don't need a therapist when you have a strong support group around your barstool.

@Storminika: Why do people knock on a locked public restroom door? And what is the person inside to say? "who is it?"

@Owl_Meat: *puts bread in toaster* hmm something strange about the toaster today Duck(from in toaster): no there isnt