@theDanLawler: I'm hiring a motivational speaker for my lazy eye.
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@thatUPSdude: Her: So, how did you get that scar on your chin? Me: *flashes back to slipping in the shower* Hunting wild boar.
@TheRolo: Jesus: Welcome to my summer party [Jesus puts finger in the pool and turns it into wine] Apostles: awwww YEAHHHH Judas: Merlot? Seriously???
@kwirkyKerri: There are directions with pictures on this underarm deodorant. Yet another disaster avoided.