@theDanLawler: I'm hiring a motivational speaker for my lazy eye.
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@bobvulfov: if ur in a horror movie scenario, a fun way to throw off the ghosts is to put a bed sheet over ur head and say "i too am a spooky ghost"
@ashmensch: *guy getting eaten by a shark* Guy: I just wanted to say I'm Vegan. Shark, spitting him out: Wtf man. I had you in my mouth & everything.
@INDlAN_: HER: let’s be open about how we really feel. I’ll go first I love you. ME: Ok well... I really, really, don’t want Naruto to end HER: wtf?
@Kyle_Lippert: Researchers have found why bears hibernate. "They're sad due to a break up" said one. "It's been a year Brent. Move on. I have" said another