@primawesome: I'm in pretty good shape for a grown man who believes the multivitamin I take every morning cancels out all the gas station food I eat.
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@man_spach: Starting to fear that all the urgent work emails I LOL'd at and deleted earlier were not actually April Fools' jokes.
@ThingsJackDigs: PILOT OVER INTERCOM: I have some bad news, but before I tell you, keep in mind that the Wright bros could only stay airborne for 12 seconds
@darrinfb: I want my ashes scattered when I die. I don't like people visiting me now.... I'll be damned if I want visitors when I'm dead.