@DanKCharnley: I'm jealous of turtles because if they don't want to talk to someone, they're like "Nah, dude, busy in my shell right now. Come back later."
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@JoParkerBear: [in bed] M: Do that thing I like H: NO M: Please? H: *sighs [puts on British redcoat uniform] I have your tea M: I WILL NEVER PAY YOUR TAXES
@KLobstar: [seaside wedding] We are gathered here today to celebrate the- [bride picked up by giant seagull] -completion of the ritual. HAIL GULLTHRAX
@Glenny_Baby: I dated a girl that wore a mood ring. When happy it would be a pretty blue colour. When she was mad it made a big oval mark on my forehead.
@Deno_Tron: Roommate has date coming by later and asked me to clean bc he's not home. So I made a Princess D shrine in his room