@_SetTheHook_: I'm just gonna put an egg under my kid's pillows and tell them the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy must've went out drinking the night before.
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@murrman5: Remember that time you were reluctant to test my latest invention "amnesia pills" but did anyway? "No" excellent.
@Pork_Chop_Hair: My dogs: OMG MOM IS DOING STUFF!! WOOOO!! GET HER!! Me: (just getting off the couch to go to the bathroom)
@yobrah_: I usually base my religious and political beliefs on flyers and pamphlets handed to me on the street.
@theshamingofjay: Divorce is like hitting the reset button on Super Mario Bros except now you pay for the Princess's castle and hope Bowser kills you.