@VaguelyFunnyDan: I'm just sick of the mixed signals, babe. One second you're changing your phone number and the next you're filing a restraining order.
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@fro_vo: Date: so what do you do Me: i build dog houses Date: oh you're an "arf"itect lol Me: haha good one Date: Me: (under breath) it's "bark"itect
@AristotlesNZ: I swear to god dude, if you say "But what if we get arrested?" One more time you're out of the group.
@AndyRichter: Fun to hear newscasters, while their chopper hovers over an active crime scene, scold people "the last thing the police need is spectators"
@Brianhopecomedy: "Daddy, how do you spell Budweiser?" "Uhhh....why?" "I'm drawing a picture of you for school." "Cool! It's spelled G-A-T-O-R-A-D-E."