@VaguelyFunnyDan: I'm just sick of the mixed signals, babe. One second you're changing your phone number and the next you're filing a restraining order.
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@AimeeHelene1: *walks up to microphone during wedding reception* *taps on mic; everyone smiles* "Anyone that doesn't want their cake, pass it to me please"
@LuvPug: It's like the people who drive Smart cars don't even realize that other cars are an option.
@SoulYodeler: Signs your wife is cheating: 1. Weird cologne 2. Emotional distance 3. Late-night abences 4. She introduces you to her boyfriend
@Matt_the_1st: Due to an unforeseen error during last night's love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today