@unravelingfire: I'm like Harvard. Hard to get into, but once you're in, everyone is super impressed.
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@bingowings14: I haven't said a single truthful thing on here since I became the King of Sweden.
@doktorj: Me: *pooping with the door open* Olive Garden Mgr: "I know what the slogan says ma'am, we aren't THAT kind of family."
@ibid78: [my 1st day as a doctor] I can't find a pulse [patient] that's a trashcan. I'm over here [me] hold on, I think this trashcan is dying
@trevso_electric: Man who looks forward to spending his entire life with Kim Kardashian disagrees with Grammy decision.